The word weight has never held meaning to me until I was in my 20s. Even then, it was a vague inclination, being of carribean culture, it is not something I thought about because we are raised to believe that more is better. Bigger breasts, bigger butt and when I was younger I believed this. I came from a family of 'small' people, I do not have any memory of any family member being in any way shape or form overweight and as a young child my mom would always criticize our not eating enough, me and my 3 sisters, thinking it was a fault on her part, not realizing we just weren't big people. Eventually she accepted this fact.
However, this big issue came back around very recently, after being so exposed to the 'fashion' world for well over 2 years. I never realized how big of an emphasis people put on bones. It hit me even harder when I befriended someone with an eating disorder. It became very clear to me how the mind really can create its own reality and make you believe it. It is a frightening thing and a very big problem. I began to look at my body in a different way, and that scared me more then anything.
As much as I love this girl, I love my peace of mind more. When I was younger, I would get teased for being too skinny so I use to wear things that would make me seem like I had more then I really did and as I got older I began to understand my body more and accepted it. It was an absolutely amazing thing, to have faith in my body, to adore it for what it was and not what I wished it was.
Over the years, I have 'filled in' quite nicely. I recently hit my highest mark of 120 lbs after coming back from vacation and that almost took me on a whirlwind but I had to remind myself to relax, it was not that serious! My size 25 jeans still fit, some are still too big and I have to say I enjoy having a little junk in the trunk. Like every young women, I do fear getting fat but what are the real possibilities of that? I mean for someone active, someone healthy, someone whom exercising is as much of a part of life as breathing?
I see this issue everywhere I go and it is as sad as it is, well sad. It is a shame for someone to not know the connection they could have with their body. It is your only tool and the most concrete thing you have in this world. Imagine the things you could do if you come to terms with it? Is it that horrible to accept that maybe this is the body you are gifted with and it will never be like the models you see on tv or blogs? And actually, f.y.i proffesional models are given at least 3 months in advance to prepare for a shoot/ runway. So when you see them looking damn near perfection, guess what? It took them 3 months so if I were you, I'd be proud that I woke up looking this good every morning.
Be happy. Eat healthy. Exercise. And let your body do the rest.